It is my intention to start going to church. I don't know what church it is going to be. What I do know is that I am on a spiritual journey, and I am looking forward to attending a different church each week and blogging about it, after, of course, I grab a Sunday afternoon beer or glass of wine, and eat a nice meal.
Almost three years ago, I had a strange experience happen to me on the beach one beautiful moment. I think I saw God. It was in that moment, and I describe it in detail in my other blog "energy attracts", that all things I had come to understand.. science, nature, our connectivity to each other and the world around us came together in this instant. There were more coincidences in that moment, but suffice it to say, I suddenly became aware that this connectivity, this very thing that I was connected with, and held inside me, was God......and it was ok to call it God.
I choose the word God because it is familiar to me, but often switch it out to say, Spirit, Energy, Great Force, because sometimes the word, God, conjures up childhood images and beliefs. As a child in Sunday school class, where we colored pictures of shepherds, and humanized God to look a little bit like Santa Claus. I had doubts. I knew that if there was a God, he didn't make things happen, like natural disasters. I never believed that God was an angry or jealous God, I didn't believe that it was necessarily a "he", and did I believe that Jesus was the son of God, or the Spirit, or was he highly evolved, a born leader of his time; a man? And what about science? What about other religions? What about reincarnation? Superstitions? the law of attraction? I didn't know. I wasn't even sure if there was a God.. I mean.. my parents, after all, turned out to be Santa. (literally, although I will save that story for another day, but my dad actually does play Santa for charities at Christmas.. sorry, I digress)
So, very long story short, I saw God. Or Spirit, or Great Force, or whatever, and gained a sense of peace and inner joy. I felt that I understood the energetic connectivity among all living things. Then I got divorced. Although I could get into the details of this, and talk for hours, I will not. I will say that it was a careful, heartbreaking decision, that broke both of our hearts, and left us each on a different path. A path I am still seeking.
So, God on the back burner, I channeled my inner Bridget Jones, and moved into an apartment by myself. My kids are both in college, and for the first time in my entire life. House. College. Marriage. Boom, boom, boom. I was alone.
As in all things, there is a balance, a Yin and a Yang, and divorce is absolutely one of those things. There are days of freedom. Days I want to throw my hat into the air like Mary Tyler Moore, or live independently like Marlo Thomas, and sing how great it is to be me. My daily motherhood tasks, my cul-de-sac life of dinner parties and socializing are long behind me. I was off of that treadmill. Who was that? I feel free. And there are days of bitter despair, insecurities, loneliness, tears, and depression. (Is it hormones? I am 46..) This roller coaster has brought me to today. Or rather to an idea I had about the exploration of religion.
It is time for me to crawl out of my shell a little, and dip my feet into the life after divorce thing. I have decided to make the appropriate changes to focus me on that path, and thought it would be an absolutely great thing to explore religion. I don't know what kind of religion I am now. I was brought up in the Congregational Church, and my parents were semi-active participants. So, basically, I am a New England WASP, and have the guilt to prove it. I figure I will try them all out. Even if I don't connect with the doctrine, I intend to attend at least one service and be open minded, and pay attention to the people, the rituals, the music, and the communities, and learn about spirituality through the experiences of others. I seek the underlying truth that all religions have in common. I don't know where this will lead, but I am excited to begin my journey.
I loved the book, "Eat, Pray, Love", and truly honor the author, Elizabeth Gilbert. In honoring the book, and Liz's spiritual, humorous, and human journey, (I also can't believe the parallels in our lives), I thought the title, "Eat, Pray, Drink" would be catchy, and show my human side, too.
So my year long journey begins. Gulp. I live in Massachusetts. I will be attending churches within an hour of my home for the next year (as often as I can). (except for the weekend I have planned in Vegas... attending church there ought to be interesting..you will hear about it!) and will blog about my experiences. I will attend churches both alone, and occasionally, with friends and family. I encourage suggestions for day trips around spirituality, natural beauty, and great communities. I also would love recommendations regarding local pubs, and places to explore while spending the day in different communities. I am a yogi, an artist, a photographer, a foodie, and a lover of travel. I encourage responses from readers with ideas for me that coincide with the things I love. My ultimate journey would be to travel abroad to explore cultures, food, and religion there! Someday. Until then, my journey starts close to homel Will I end up finding the perfect fit? Stay tuned.
Next post: My First Sunday
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